Rules for Survival at the X-Mansion
by Half Blood-Jedi-Warlock
Summary: If you do not want to become a flaming grease-spot or a cockroach on the floor, I highly suggest you read this. Especially before you go to THE school.
1. Mutant Monologue & Rule 1 with Scott

**Scott Summers: Hey guys, welcome to Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters!**

**Me: Hi guys! What up?!**

**Scott: We are an exemplary school that- wait, why are you here?**

**Me: Because.**

**Scott: I know I'm gonna regret asking you this, but because...**

**Me: I wrote this fic. And I also happen to go to this school. Duh! Oh mi gosh, I can't wait to show you guys around! Hey Scott, can you-**

**Scott: Don't you dare.**

**Me: -show them the Sith-lightsaber-thingy from your eyes?**

**Scott: *sighs, turns the on switch on his goggles and aims at my face***

**Me: AHHHH! *runs off into the distance screaming***

**Scott: *snickers* Works every time.**

**Me: If I owned this, I'd threaten to fry you myself and then you'd see how it feels! *still running into the distance***

**Scott: But yeah, unfortunately guys, she doesn't own this.**

**Me: DO TOO!**

**Scott: You wish. Anyways, as I was saying, welcome to the survival class at the X-Mansion! Enjoy!**

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**_Rules for Survival at the X-Mansion_**

Look, I didn't want to be a mutant. If you're reading this because you are think you are one, and have received an invitation to come to a 'special school' for 'special people', my advice is: stop reading. Believe whatever lies your mom and dad tell you about being normal. Close this book right now, for it illustrates how truly diverse and dangerous a mutant's life is.

This is, after all, a handbook to warn all people who come to this place of what is in store for them. Oh, it's a wonderful place alright, just extremely… tricky to navigate in one's first year. And I don't mean the hundreds of rooms. I mean the people. The other students. The professors (gasp). You might already be feeling the pressure, that this may not be the place for you. But if you are one of us, and if you are reading this book, I assure you, that this is the best place for you. The safest place by far (unless the Brotherhood has anything to say about it). Even if that last bit makes you afraid, I won't tell you to not be afraid. All of us have had to deal with fear at one time or another. Even from the most minor of circumstances. If you feel alone, we can help you with that. We are like you. I personally will be on campus, so come find me! Or rather, I'll probably find/bump into you. Please come. And do abide by these rules, which sadly (or humorously) I learned from experience. They will help you to avoid getting squished and mugged, like the first year student that you are.

If you're not a mutant, and reading this because you think it's fiction, awesome! Please read. But I envy you for believing that these events never happened. I envy you for believing that we don't exist.

Because we do. And it's a totally dangerous- and amusingly stupid- way of life. Especially if you make it that way.

Thus, from the disclaimer itself, we have Rule #1: _I promise not to ask Scott to do 'the-Sith-lightsaber-thing' out of his eyes._


	2. The Trouble with Nicknames & Rules 2 & 3

**Disclaimer: "She doesn't own X-Men."**

**Me: Yes I do, Claire.**

**Blink: Don't call me that!**

**Me: Say what, Ferguson?**

**Blink: Alright, that's enough! Let's take this to the Danger Room..**

Starring Clarice Ferguson/Blink.

* * *

Me: Too slow, Clarice! *fighting practice in the Danger Room*

Blink: *punch*

Me: Ow! Why'd you do that?

Blink: You know exactly what my codename is. Use it!

Me: But why, rosy cheeks?

Blink: *roundhouse-kicks* Watch it.

Me: *dodges* Bring it on, Pinky!

Blink: Grrrrrr.

Me: What, are you scared, Pepto?

Blink: Oh, you done it now, girlfriend. *proceeds to pummel me into the walls, then imprisons me in alternate dimension with her crystals.*

Me: Help! Help! Lemme out! Wait, why are you are doing this to me, this is MY fic!

Blink: If it's your fic, why can't you remember my dang name?!

Me: Because if you were my character, I would pick an easier name, one that matches you perfectly.

Blink: Don't say it...

Me: Like Pepto.

Blink: Thank God you own this fic, because your carcass would be sweeping the floor right now!

Me: A bit bloodthirsty, isn't she. Thank God I don't own her...

* * *

_Rule #2: Don't ever call Blink 'Pepto'. She hates discrimination… and I have the scrapes from her crystals to prove it. And she sicced her boyfriend Calvin on me…_

_Rule #3: I will always call other students by their codenames, unless given permission otherwise._

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**A/N: I'm going to do these chapters in different ways. Like this, with a story in script form and a rule following; or with an actual story below it.**


End file.
